|
Micro-Coach yourself to success within a month
Having read this title you might be thinking to yourself “What is Micro-coaching and who would need it?” well it is something of a buzz word, but don’t let that put you off, as it’s a mini method of coaching. Real full on coaching takes time like anything, but time is often in short supply, so a small version can fit the bill when moments are all you seem to be able to grab.
Micro-Coaching is simply a scaled down version of coaching and I’m here to show you how to turn your life around by self coaching yourself in just one short month and what is more, it’s free, now that has to be the right price. Coaching is big business and it deserves to be, because it works, it is as simple as that.
There are things you will want to change in your life, no I’m not a mind reader, we all want to change things and you are no exception. Why else are you reading this article? We find ourselves doing the same old things day after day, week in, week out and feel trapped, unable to break free. Well all this can change and believe me it will change for you, as long as you carry on reading this and begin to apply the little things. Remember years ago when an aging relative, or friend told us “Little things mean a lot.” Well that was so true that we should all have it set in stone beside our doorways.
The little things we do shape our lives. Divorce is a harsh word to read, but even harsher is the fact that more marriages end in divorce because of the little things, the other person did, or forgot to do, than for any other reason. Think about this for a moment. Just by doing little things wrong or by not paying attention to the little things a marriage carved out of the bedrock of love and romance can crumble into the dust of disintegration. Not a nice thought to hang onto, so we’ll cast it aside, because we don’t need to dwell on the negative, not when we can change anything in just four weeks.
When we do a little thing often enough it becomes something else and that my friend is a habit. Now that is a loaded word and something of a double edged sword, if you’ll pardon my cliché’s? A habit is a habit, it can be good, or bad and it is the habit which is the mysterious little thing we have just been talking about. Good habits are great, they help us function and enable us to be successful in our everyday lives. Bad habits can as we have seen wreck lives and not just our own. Good habits make sure we leave in plenty of time for work. They make sure we drive safely and generally have enough fuel, enough food in our cupboards and that we are clean and tidy. Take hand washing, we only do that because it is a habit that was drummed into us, over and over and over again, until it sunk in. Now it’s a habit and a good one.
Let’s look at bad habits for a moment. Very few people smoke these days and that is a good thing, not just because of the health reasons for the smokers themselves, but also because of the elements of passive smoking inflicted on non smokers in the direct vicinity. Smoking is a habit, one which many smokers themselves hate and yet feel gripped by the habit and unable to quit. Just think if something like this can be so powerful a habit and so hard to break, how many other bad habits are we guilty of harbouring? A great many if we are normal and are being honest with ourselves.
The mind is a complicated thing and we don’t need to confuse things by going too deep here, after all we’re looking for a quick fix, but a good one. So instead of looking deep, let us look at just two things which do concern us. The conscious and the sub-conscious mind. We use our conscious minds all the time, as a matter of fact, you’re using yours right now to understand this article. It flows constantly like a great ocean full of thoughts and ideas and plans. We drive along, not just thinking about driving, or the road, but about food, people, or movies and we sing along to the radio all at the same time. Complex, but as natural as breathing. The sub-conscious mind is like a small child, it sits there and it doesn’t understand the difference between good and bad, it just takes everything in. Now in order to have information flow into the sub-conscious mind, it must be repeated over time. So don’t worry about stray thoughts, they’re perfectly fine and harmless.
The problem is that when we think about things, we tend to dwell on them and go over them in our minds. Not just once, or twice, but over and over and over again. We have money worries, well no wonder, because it’s all we allow ourselves to think about. When we have debt problems, wouldn’t it make so much more sense for us to dwell on ways to make money and save money? At least that way our minds would be open and willing to be receptive to any ideas which might come along, instead of being trapped in a cycle of negativity. Isn’t this just common sense really? But it’s only common sense when we are reminded of it, coaching is good advice from a friend and that friend is really you. You are the only expert in this world on you. You should be having lived with you all your life.
Taking a sheet of paper, or using a word processor make two columns. Mark one negative and the other positive. Now you must be completely honest with yourself and not simply write down the easy habits, remember you are the only person who you can never lie, or cheat, because you’ll know. So please for your own sake do be honest. Some of these habit might seem like kids stuff, stupid little things, but if they come up in your mind, then they have importance to you. Make sure that you list every good habit you have. These good habits might be things like being punctual, being polite, having good manners, Being a good employer/employee, being a good friend. At this stage you might be thinking not all of these are good habits, but you see they are because they are all things which you do habitually and so are habit formed by repetition.
Now make sure to list as many bad habits as you can. Be brave this list is for your eyes only and is top secret, so be honest with yourself. Once you have a list under both columns take some time to look at them and read them slowly. Now look at only the good list, let yourself feel good about them. Smile if you want to and congratulate yourself for being such a nice person. Now that you’re feeling good, turn to the negative habit column and read down it. You might now find your high enthusiasm plummet earthward. This is no bad thing, you need to see these bad habits for what they are invaders in your life, things which are preventing you from being all you can be. Tell yourself the truth, that you deserve better than this. Look at the list and say No! This will stop right now! And mean it, mean every word.
Using the good habit list as a guide, look across at a bad habit, pick just one and try to think of its opposite, it will have one. If for example you have lateness, then think of punctuality. So now you have the opposite trait, the one you wish to cultivate, write the new positive under the positive column. Carry on doing this until you’ve reached the end of the negative column and then either cut off the negative column and throw it away, or erase it from your screen. If it’s on paper you could burn the negative list and as you watch it disappear into smoke and ash visualise your negative traits vanishing as well.
You now have a list of positive traits, some you already possess, some you need to work on and not a negative one in sight, well done. Make a smaller version of this list and carry it with you in your wallet/purse and keep looking at it throughout the day, as often as you can. Look at the good habits. Each time you look at the list read one habit and then imagine yourself in full possession of it, think of yourself enjoying all the benefits which come with its possession. As often as possible find ways in which to express these new habits. Remember that in order to form new good habits you will have to program the sub-conscious mind and that only works by repetition. Do the same thing over and over. Think the same thing over and over and the sub-conscious mind will translate your order into your everyday reality.
By using this system you will be able to change your life around within a very short time. In a month you will have implanted a number of new good habits and by continuing to do this, you will succeed beyond your own imagination.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The wounded healer as the therapist
Why are some healers, therapists, or counsellors so much better and more effective than their equally qualified colleagues? On the surface this question appears to be without answer. Ask around different therapists & healers and you will get the standard answers that it all depends on approach and tools, skill sets etc. But this is in not a sensible answer that can be quantified in any way.
If a group of people are trained in the same methods often by the same people and continue to use these same principles in practice, shouldn’t they all meet with the same success? The fact that you need only to look at the obvious evidence to the contrary in order to find your answer makes this somewhat irrelevant.
In order to understand a little of what lurks below the surface we must look at why people become therapists, healers and Counsellors in the first place. Most out of a feeling of true compassion for their fellow human beings embark on these noble paths in order to make a difference in the lives of others. This is nothing short of unconditional caring and must be applauded for its genuine generosity of spirit.
There are the scant few who come to these paths of healing, therapy and counselling not by devotion to a calling, but instead by the result direct, or indirect of the events of their own lives. These are the wounded ones, the ones who come in search of healing and understanding, perhaps of integration. These people come to study in order that they might ease their own pain and suffering and then in turn become practitioners in the circle which is healing.
These wounded healers not only understand the pain of others, but have practiced what they are preaching. The real question we might ask is ‘Is empathy truly enough?’ Or can it still fall short when it comes to really understanding another’s pain, loss, or inner turmoil? Yes there is the very valid argument which says that good therapists, healers and counsellors undertake not only supervision, but also undergo similar treatments in order to better understand. But this is still a form of practice, of rehearsal with a view to better client relations. Yes those who do take advantage of these methods are all the better for doing so and will also find added clarity within their own lives as well, but is it really enough?
Now this brings me to the true difference a wounded healer can make, the real gifts they can bring to their clients. If a person wishes to become a relationship therapist/counsellor shouldn’t they be well versed in not only life, but also in relationships? Shouldn’t that person have at least known both love and loss of love. Wouldn’t the owner of a healed broken heart be better at understanding the varied hues of love than another well versed in textbook theory and classroom understanding. Role-play is not reality. Courses, lectures and classes can never prepare a person for the agony and sheer bliss of falling in love.
In the same token can someone who has led a sheltered and comfortable life understand another person with a drug, or alcohol related problem? Holding a piece of paper which states the attendance on a courses of study is no substitute for real life knowledge gained from interaction with substance abuse, whether this is from first hand, or through another loved one. This is real-life education. Why do security companies hire ex criminals to work in advisory capacities for them? The answer is a simple one, because these people have a real-life knowledge and understanding of the elements needed to provide genuine security for their employers.
In conclusion is it not better from a client perspective to seek out a fellow past sufferer, than a book learned expert with no firsthand knowledge? In my opinion being experienced in life makes for a better therapist, healer, counsellor and the more experienced the better. When a client comes they are receiving far more information than the words exchanged. There is a confidence, a depth of deep knowledge, perhaps passion, call it what you will, but it is there. When someone has experienced something it remains with them and adds to them as a person, even negative experiences aid in our better understanding of similar issues. True empathy comes not with certificates, diplomas and degrees, but with scars bearing witness to the healing cycle.
|
