The wounded healer as the therapist

Why are some healers, therapists, or counsellors so much better and more effective than their equally qualified colleagues? On the surface this question appears to be without answer. Ask different therapists & healers and you will get the standard answers that it all depends on approach and tools, skill sets etc. But this is not a sensible answer that can be quantified in any way. 

If a group of people are trained in the same methods often by the same people and continue to use these same principles in practice, shouldn’t they all meet with the same success? The fact that you need only to look at the obvious evidence to the contrary in order to find your answer makes this somewhat irrelevant.

In order to understand a little of what lurks below the surface we must look at why people become therapists, healers and Counsellors in the first place. Most out of a feeling of true compassion for their fellow human beings embark on these noble paths in order to make a difference in the lives of others. This is nothing short of unconditional caring and must be applauded for its genuine generosity of spirit.

There are the scant few who come to these paths of healing, therapy and counselling not by devotion to a calling, but instead by the result direct, or indirect of the events of their own lives. These are the wounded ones, the ones who come in search of healing and understanding, perhaps of integration. These people come to study in order that they might ease their own pain and suffering and then in turn become practitioners in the circle which is healing.

These wounded healers not only understand the pain of others, but have practiced what they are preaching.  The real question we might ask is ‘Is empathy truly enough?’ Or can it still fall short when it comes to really understanding another’s pain, loss, or inner turmoil? Yes there is the very valid argument which says that good therapists, healers and counsellors undertake not only supervision, but also undergo similar treatments in order to better understand. But this is still a form of practice, of rehearsal with a view to better client relations. Yes those who do take advantage of these methods are all the better for doing so and will also find added clarity within their own lives as well, but is it really enough?

Now this brings me to the true difference a wounded healer can make, the real gifts they can bring to their clients. If a person wishes to become a relationship therapist/counsellor shouldn’t they be well versed in not only life, but also in relationships? Shouldn’t that person have at least known both love and loss of love? Wouldn’t the owner of a healed broken heart be better at understanding the varied hues of love than another well versed in textbook theory and classroom understanding? Role-play is not reality. Courses, lectures and classes can never prepare a person for the agony and sheer bliss of falling in love.

In the same token can someone who has led a sheltered and comfortable life understand another person with a drug, or alcohol related problem? Holding a piece of paper which states the attendance on a course of study is no substitute for real life knowledge gained from interaction with substance abuse, whether this is from first hand, or through another loved one. This is real-life education. Why do security companies hire ex criminals to work in advisory capacities for them? The answer is a simple one, because these people have a real-life knowledge and understanding of the elements needed to provide genuine security for their employers.

In conclusion is it not better from a client perspective to seek out a fellow past sufferer, than a book learned expert with no firsthand knowledge?  In my opinion being experienced in life makes for a better therapist, healer, counsellor and the more experienced the better. When a client comes they are receiving far more information than the words exchanged. There is a confidence, a depth of deep knowledge, perhaps passion, call it what you will, but it is there. When someone has experienced something it remains with them and adds to them as a person, even negative experiences aid in our better understanding of similar issues.  True empathy comes not with certificates, diplomas and degrees, but with scars bearing witness to the healing cycle.